rage rover rant
is fear the quiet gurl in the back row who always wears black?
is fear the perky ladder climber with no panties and a loose tongue?
is fear the idea that they are better than you?

it's a spin on a ride you didn't ask to take when you packed up the truck and went back where you belonged and who wasn't waiting there for you and what things didn't you find and when is this going to run out so you can stop and remember because when it's too good to believe someone is bound to come in and steal your teddy bear . . .

is fear the unrepressed joy that oozes when you see the lights?
is fear the mere thought that those lights shine only for you?
is fear the idea that you are not the only one who is ready and willing to believe that?

it when he looks through you and you can see that in his eyes and you can see so much more like the fact that while he is looking through you he does not see you at all and he is not sure that he wants to and then you turn to someone else and you see the same thing that no matter what you choose to lay on the table they all see that you have a full house and there is no point trying to tell them any different . . .

is fear the thought of chaos or the relentless urge to roll around in it?
is fear the realization that insecurity really has nothing to do with the games you play?
is fear the power that makes you walk across the room and say the words?

it's still being so obsessed by the one thing i never got i never understood and having it in my face and my head and my lungs and still not getting it and now knowing why and also knowing that why is a lie and there is no real reason and being so frustrated so soon and not being able to wrap back up in myself and stop thinking thinking thinking about all of that and just use and use like they seem to want . . .

is fear knowing that they don't compare?

Rainbow Gurl
Little Gurl Blue
Wonders if her tits will ever be worth it.

Little Gurl Red
Waits in the shadows to kick you when you're down.

Little Gurl green
Will like the pretty ones once they're covered in gore.

Little Gurl Black
Is waiting to die, and then you'll be sorry

Little Liar Bitch - Dirty Little Snitch
Filthy Little Whore - Life Is Such A Bore

Little Gurl Pink
Dressed up in Daddy's blue illusions of trust.

Little Gurl White
Just shuts it off when it starts getting too ugly.

Little Gurl Violet
Clings hopelessly to their lovely black lies.

Little Gurl Amber
The frozen child she'll always be.

Selfish Little Cunt - Psychological Runt
See Baby Cry - Gurls Never Die

It's your party:
Die if you want to.
Lie if you want to.
Deny if you want to.

Rant
I needed just one more crazy
Person in my life to sing
To me sweet songs of fantastical
Scenes set in the not-to-distant
Future triggered by low blood levels
Of the "happy things".
I needed a new group of
ERA victims to focus their
Butch attentions and imposingly
Male-oriented judgements on my
Otherwise contented life (but I
Guess it was at least inspiring.)
I needed haunting images of
Bored women heatedly discussing
Aspects and actions of myself that
I don't even regard as the
Least bit important to who I
Really am behind the stare.
I needed this undue pressure and
Demand that I defend my lusts
And emotions to you and who the
Hell are you, anyway? I know
You came with her, but she
Shouldn't be here, either.
What I certainly do not need is the
Freedom to live my own life
And not owe you anything
For that inalienable right.
I didn't ask for your respect,
Just a little decency.
Now put down the spoon before someone gets hurt.

right now
fuck you for making me think about it like this
fuck you for your simpering
fuck you for your lies
fuck you for your excuses
fuck you for your wayward sympathy
fuck you for thinking you understand
fuck you for closing your mind
fuck you for only acknowledging the gore
fuck you for loving my idol
fuck you for "waking" me up
fuck you for making a mess and running away
fuck you for trying to make me a victim again
fuck you for never looking at me
fuck you for each of the two things you offered and then snatched away
fuck you for the way you sulk behind your weakness and use it as a noble excuse to never move on
fuck you for doubting me
fuck your faith in my would be destroyers
fuck you for your empathy - that's my pain, get your own
fuck you for testing me
fuck you for thinking i failed
fuck you for not knowing what you want
fuck you for not checking your premises
fuck you for trying to take it on
fuck you for thinking i needed you
fuck you for assuming i wanted your help
fuck you for not giving me back the trust i gave you
fuck you for betraying my trust
fuck you for missing your chance